


Someone You Loved

by memeulousisgay



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Gay, M/M, Multi, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Unrequited Love, YouTubers - Freeform, commentary crew - Freeform, kinda turns into a kinda sad soap opera, side james/alex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-11 18:16:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19932391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/memeulousisgay/pseuds/memeulousisgay
Summary: I WAS GETTING KINDA USED TO BEING SOMEONE YOU LOVEDGeorge makes a horrible decision after too long of Alex playing with his heart. Alex's whole world will never be the same.I do not ship anyone in real life. The only reason this is fan fiction is to gain exposure and avoid character descriptions and such. This is purely fiction.title cred to Lewis Capaldi





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW FOR SUICIDE, BLOOD.

George drew in a shaky breath, feeling the too warm air weave it’s way in as if it was seeping through every little hole in his skin. He couldn’t keep doing this. Alex was either tangled in his arms, his bedsheets, his heart; or he wasn’t there at all. There for someone else, maybe, but not there for George. Not with George, not thinking of George, not feeling for George. There were only so many more times George could go through this vicious cycle before it became a life cycle. A dark part of George’s brain told him this was the time, but he didn’t want to believe it. Who would?  
Without fail, George was always there to pick up all of Alex’s pieces. Every needle-sharp shard, even as they stabbed into his side while Alex cried into his shoulder. But George needed it. He needed that feeling of helping somebody else. Making them feel okay, he needed to make someone else feel loved, especially Alex. He knew Alex didn’t make him feel loved back, but he didn’t have anyone else to hold. George needed to feel needed. Deep down inside, Alex knew that.  
Everyone told George he should move on. Will felt like he had said it a million times. George felt the same way, but instead, with some variation of “we aren’t like that, I don’t have feelings for Alex.” An uncomfortable silence would fall, and the moments like those would rise to the surface of George’s head whenever the next time he was with Alex. It would make him nauseous later, but during the act, he was nothing but numb.  
This particular evening was the kind where Alex wasn’t with George. Where he was with someone else. George didn’t feel numb anymore, watching the sun fall beneath the hills. He knew two things: Alex was happy right now, and he wasn’t coming back until the morning. He heard Alex’s moans echo through his ears paired with the thought of them being for another man and tried to remind himself of what he’s said to Will a million times. But Alex wasn’t here to numb all the pain he’s caused, he was with someone better than George, even though George would give his everything for Alex. Even though the man Alex was with said he wasn’t ready for anything but then slept with Alex, kissed Alex, told him how much he meant to him.  
Before this night, George and Alex had been going for the longest they had so far. Alex had said James was toxic, that he was done with him. He had cried to George about it almost every night since then, and even though Alex had said nothing about wanting to replace James with George he got his hopes up. They came crashing back down along with Alex’s walls when he got a phone call from James and disappeared that afternoon ensuring George he’d changed. “I love you, George, you’re my best friend,” he’d said as he walked out the door. But George didn’t even feel like that anymore.  
George didn’t want to lay down into an empty bed again tonight. He didn’t want to do it ever again. The thought he had earlier that he so desperately had been trying to push away for so long came back. This was the night the cycle became a life cycle. He’d fought it long enough; he knew his bed would be empty for a long time after this night and so would his heart. He couldn’t bother will again, not when he couldn’t bring himself to lie about his feelings anymore. Not when he didn’t think it would make a difference.  
With soft footsteps, George moved to the kitchen. He felt like he was sleepwalking. In a way he was. George hadn’t yet begun to bleed, but he was already walking the line between life and death. As he picked up their sharpest cooking knife he couldn’t help but smile a little, thinking of how they’d only used it once trying to make Thanksgiving dinner. It was a disaster, and they’d ended up laughing and getting fast food instead. The memory hurt George’s head and made bile rise in his through. Suddenly, he felt nothing but guilt. But Alex would be okay, right? He was only using George, after all.  
George walked to his room and checked the time. It was already after midnight, and he didn’t want to push his luck by spending all his time writing notes. He opted to record a quick video instead.  
“I love you all, this wasn't anyone’s fault but mine. I was stupid and should’ve controlled myself. I’m sure you know what I mean. Thank you for the good times, lads. I love you all, please stay happy for me. ‘M not worth crying over.”  
George debated whether or not he should lock the door. He never did, and he knew Alex would know something was up if he did. But god, he loved Alex with all of his heart. That was part of why he was doing this. James knew Alex and him slept together and had told Alex it bugged him. They got into a huge fight over it, Alex saying it wasn’t fair because James didn’t want them to be together, and James arguing he didn’t want to be together because Alex was fine sleeping with other people. He kicked Alex out. George promised Alex he’d fix it, he always did. He didn’t want Alex to find him all bloody.

George left the door unlocked but texted Alex.

To Alex: I’m really beat so please try to be quiet in the morning 

He went to his bed. He stabbed his chest. He stabbed his gut. He cut his wrists. He didn’t know what he was doing and god it hurt. It hurt so bad he could barely even recognize his one screams and moans of pain. It hurt so bad that he blacked out. It hurt so bad he didn’t feel guilty anymore, so bad he didn’t notice the mattress becoming soggy with his blood, so bad he felt numb again.


	2. A L E X   P R A Y S

“George? I’m home!” Alex yelled, setting his keys on the table by the door and rubbing his eyes in exhaustion. It was two A.M. Alex couldn’t sleep over at James’ house because his parents were coming in the morning and he didn’t want them to know. Alex had a great night, though, and despite his exhaustion was excited to infrom George that after a month of not talking to him, James had changed. He though George would be relieved, knowing how much he worried about him.  
Alex walked down the small hall before twisting the doorknob of George’s room. The room was nearly pitch black, and Alex, naturally figured that George was sleeping. He lost his phone while he was at James’ house and never saw the text, so he assumed it wasn’t a big deal to wake George up. It’s what the two of them had always done when they came back late.  
“Georgie, wake up. James said he thinks he’s almost ready for--”  
Alex sat down on the bed. He felt something thick and clearly once warms soak into his pants. He swore his heart stopped at that moment. He fumbled for the switch of the bedside lamp, but he was shaking so bad he couldn’t find it.  
When he finally did, he wished he never did. He wished he never came into George’s room. He wished he was never born.  
Quite possibly the most important person in Alex’s life was laying there, covered in so much blood it was hard to even find all the cuts and stab wounds. His head was twisted away from Alex, one hand was dangling off the bed and the other was pinched under his thigh lightly grasping the knife. Alex had yet to see, but his eyes were wide open--and nothing but white and pink.  
He screamed, but he didn’t realize it. He didn’t realize anything, it was all too much to process. He couldn’t pull his eyes from George’s blood-soaked body, but he went into autopilot, searching his body for his phone. He couldn’t find it, realizing he didn’t have it. Fear shot through his body.  
It didn’t stop when he realized his only other option was George’s phone, which was sitting on his bedside table, adorned with several smears of blood. But he picked it up anyways, his head feeling almost as fuzzy as George’s did when he started losing blood. He wasn’t even aware of what he was doing, not while he unlocked George’s phone or clicked on Will’s contact, not as the phone started ringing or as he put it to his ear. He didn’t know what he did until he heard Will’s groggy voice leaking through the other end.  
“George? Mate, it’s past two what’s wrong? It better not be Alex again, I swear if--”  
“Will, Georgie ‘s--” Alex felt a sob rip through him. He wasn’t sure what was faster at thing point, his breathing or his heart. “He--”  
“Al? It that you? What’s wrong?”  
“There’s so much blood Will. I came home a-and he’s covered in blood and I--fuck, Will he’s cold. I-i, Will I--”  
Alex couldn’t make anything else come out of his mouth. He was sobbing so hard he couldn’t breathe as he desperately searched for a pulse. He heard Will talking to him, moving down the hallway, saying something to someone else on his own end of the phone but none of his seemed real.  
Alex reached to grab George’s other wrist to check for his pulse. George’s face flipped to face him. Alex screamed the second time that night. He heard it that time.  
Alex saw George’s white eyes, saw the blood dripping out of his mouth and he knew he wasn’t going to find a pulse.  
“Alex what's wrong is there someone in the house? Gee is on the phone with the police right now what’s going on? Please tell me, Al, just take deep breaths okay?”  
“He’s dead Will, oh fuck, George ‘s dead.”  
“So you came home and found him like this yeah? Is there evidence of someone else being in the house?”  
“H-he killed himself, Will. H-he’s s-still--” Alex choked on his own words. He didn’t want to say them, didn’t want it to be real. “He’s still holding the knife, I can’t find a pulse and his eyes they’re--”  
“Okay, it’s okay Al, you don’t have to tell me. An ambulance and the police are on their way and so am I, okay? Deep breaths,” Will said feeling tears stream down his own face.  
Alex nodded, even though he knew will couldn’t hear it through the phone and hung up. He pulled George into his arms, feeling himself breakdown even harder at the realization this would be the last time he’d ever hold George in his arms. His body shook, his heart trembled, and his eyes fluttered to a close as, for the first time in his life, Alex prayed.


	3. W I L L   G O E S

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kinda don't like this chapter.

As Gee solemnly began to drive them to Alex and (at one point) George’s flat, Will could barely breathe. His chest felt numb and wet, as did his cheeks. His whole body seemed cold; he was in a state of shock. While he knew Alex had a tendency to freak out and panic, something deep inside him told him Alex was right. Will’s mind couldn’t even catch up to reality yet, the word ‘death’ itself currently banished from his thoughts.   
By the time they pulled into the parking lot, Will could barely stand. His legs shook as he wiped tears from his eyes despite the fact that they were still falling, and Gee did the same. His legs wobbled as his breath mirrored the action. Gee sent him a concerned glance. He didn’t register it.   
The second he stepped into the apartment building, he heard it. Alex’s heart wrenching sobs and near screams echoed faintly through the hallways and Will felt something he had never felt before. It was worse than sadness, depression even. Will felt despair, cold and deep and throbbing not only in his heart but his ribcage as well. His whole body.  
Will stood in the entryway still, paralised. Just listening, no longer feeling. He heard the sirens, blaringly loud, Alex’s pure agony, Gee shaking him--but he didn’t feel anything. He didn’t feel anything as the medical team pushed past him, as he meekly followed them up the stairs, as they busted the apartment door open.   
Will didn’t feel anything while he watched them pry a bloodied George from Alex’s hands, telling him “you have to let go sir” while Alex pleaded desperately, for what no one was really sure. But at the same time, everyone knew. Not that It really mattered anyways. The smell of blood filling the room mattered, the deafening sound of the paramedics unzipping the body bag mattered, the way Alex screamed and Will squeezed his eyes shut in a desperate hope that he was wrong about what the bag was for.   
George was put into the body bag solemnly. He looked smaller, paler than usual. George was the kind of person who could fill a room, an entire house even with just his presence alone. Now it only felt as if everyone was drowning in the darkness of his absence.   
Will finally felt something but he wished he didn’t, for what he felt was Alex collapsing into him, tiny and bloodsoaked and someone sobbing even harder than he was before as he watching them carry George out the door and away. Will suddenly feels everything, and oh how he wishes he could go back to feeling numb again. He’s sobbing too now, and he can barely tell who’s noises are who’s now as he clutches his younger counterpart as if for dear life.  
He’s not sure how long they stand there, but it’s long enough that his legs shake harder than before and his neck is sore from hanging his head to rest it against Alex’s. But eventually, they’re broken apart by Gee’s quiet and broken voice suggesting Alex get cleaned up so they could leave. Alex nobs numbly, choking out another sob as Will guides him to the bathroom.  
“Will?” Alex says quietly, just as Will is about to walk out to give Alex some privacy. Will’s heart shatters at how wrecked Alex’s voice sounds.  
“Yeah?”  
“Will you stay with me? Not like, in the shower, just in here. I don’t--I can’t be alone right now. I shouldn’t be too long only until--” And then Alex is a mess again even at the not-mention of the fact that he was soaked with his best friends blood.  
“Of course,” Will answers because what else was he supposed to say? So he sits on the toilet lid and faces away from Alex while he undressed. They both try to ignore the wet noise the clothes make as they hit the ground. Their worlds are never going to be the same. Not only Will’s, or Alex’s, but all of their friends.   
And after all the nights of George crying to him about how Alex made him feel broken, Will couldn’t keep the thought away. The thought that really, no matter how absolutely shattered Alex’s heart clearly was, that this was still all his fault.   
And that’s that thought that led Will to walk not only out of the bathroom but out of the flat entirely, pulling a confused Gee along with him.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading.


End file.
